The 3 Foundations of Good Self Worth
Self-worth is an interesting concept. It is really asking the question, “Do I matter?” Obviously as the word ‘self’ implies it means do I matter to myself. Then there is our sense of worth within the wider concept of family, relationships, community and the world. For many people the question is answered in what they do. I matter because I work and therefore can provide for myself, my family, my community and the world. Self-worth as a concept that matters regardless of age, ability and job can be much harder to define for many. Are you worthwhile because you exist? To build good self-worth regardless of external circumstances requires a good foundation. There are 3 things that can build a great foundation for it.
Things can happen in life that are not good. They damage our self-worth. They make us question whether we are good enough, whether we are lovable and whether we are acceptable to others. We may be bullied, abused, rejected, discriminated against, made to feel less than. Forgiveness is not letting others off the hook, it is about accepting bad things happened and realising that we cannot re-do the past, we cannot re-create a perfect past so we have to forgive others so that they stop controlling our present and our future. While you hold on to the hate, the anger, the resentment about what others might have done to you in the past, you are killing yourself slowly. You are letting them control you in the Now, every time you remember what they did. You forgive others for your own peace of mind. You forgive others because their actions and behaviours belong in the past and you are moving on to a brighter future. You matter now, and their opinion (expressed through their behaviour) no longer matters to you.
When you express gratitude whether it is a thank you in general, or a thank you to God, thank you to the Universe or thank you to Nature, you are acknowledging that good things happen in your life. You are acknowledging that you do matter. You matter because you are able to participate and be a part of the amazing variety of life that is on offer. You are unique and your list of things to be grateful for will be different to others. Your appreciation of the work of others mean that you matter to them, their work has meaning because it was of value to some-one else. You matter in relation to others as we all touch people in some meaningful way in life. No man is an island, we matter because we are a unique part of the whole. We can be grateful for that.
Allowing is my preferred word here, although many would write it as acceptance. To me allowing is a more active word. We do not just accept others as they are, we consciously allow them to be. It would be a very boring world indeed if we were all the same. We would never learn and grow as people if we did not have the variety of others around us. It is our differences that make us realize what is important to us. When we can consciously allow others to be, we realize that their actions whether good or bad are a reflection of themselves and does not say anything about who we are. Therefore our worth is not reliant on other peoples opinions, behaviour and beliefs. We choose to allow others and ourselves to be. There is freedom and joy in knowing that I can allow myself to be who I am. It may not be the end product but it is perfect at this point in time.
If you struggle with self-worth, worry whether you matter, then please contact me for a free consultation.
Love and Light